another facebook connection. another blast from the past. this time it comes from the unexpected. the ex-boyfriend. the one i spent so much time with in my most formidable years - when it comes to relationships. the one i loved more than i could handle. the one who took my heart and tore it in pieces and then tried to put it back together. the one who said he would love me forever.
he's back.
we are years older, years wiser (presumably) and maybe more forgiving. forgiving of our flaws and youth. forgiving of our shortcomings - all of them.
the email he sent was kind, sweet and honest. he said he was sorry for some wrong doings of the past. he said he would be okay if i didn't write back - and i thought, maybe that would be the smarter thing -don't write back. but i must admit, curiosity did get the best of me. i "had" to know, what is he doing? how is he doing? and so i took the leap.
now, we are catching up. a few text messages, a few emails, one phone call. but the question is sitting on my shoulders, heavy and strong - is it okay to talk to him? is it okay when he is now married (happily? i don't know) and has a lovely child who he adores. am i crossing some invisible line? or is it okay if it's all innocent?
the questions is - is it innocent?
if i said i didn't reminisce i would be a liar. of course the old memories have flooded forward. of course i hold on to the fun and push away the sad, hurt, and angry memories...I mean isn't that what reconnecting with old friends (and boyfriends) is all about. you put on your rose colored glasses and remember what makes you feel good and not that which brings tears to your eyes and an ache in your heart?
am i the bad guy for engaging in conversation with my first love, who is now married?
so dear universe, i put this out to you...what do you think?