regrets

i had lunch with a very dear friend of mine recently and we discussed 'regrets' - we talked about the regret of things we had not done and then of course the things we had done.  we talked about what could have been and then decided regrets are useless.  frankly what can you do with regret? 

what?  change the past? no.  change the future? maybe (but doubtful). learn from the past? we hope.  put really what is the purpose of regret(s)?

according to wikipedia regret means:

Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done.

ah, so  many emotions in that sentence - so which is it?  shame? guilt? depression?  not sure i guess, depends on the exact thing you regret right?

again, a random thought for the universe - should we waste our emotion on regret?

one minute romance

i read an article about 20 years ago that has stayed with me forever.  i hope you have had as many of these delicious encounters as i - here it is:

Short Timers by Megan Edwards

I’ve been thinking lately that we put a heck of a lot of emphasis on long term relationships. We act like they are the only ones worth having, and if we can’t succeed in maintaining one, we’re failures in the love arena. If our picture won’t someday appear in the society section alongside a description of the spangled dress we wore to our golden anniversary fete, well, then just forget it.

Well, I say forgetting it is a grand idea, and now I’m paying more attention to the relationships at the other end of the spectrum. You’ll never read about them in the paper, and if you don’t pay attention, you may not even notice you’re having one. I’m talking, adventurers, about One Minute Romances.

One Minute Romances are the kind you have when you are in an airplane, a train, a waiting room, or a concert. They happen when you sit next to someone and, for whatever reason, you start to talk. Somehow, without many words getting exchanged, you find you are enjoying yourself immensely. A lovely feeling wells with you, and, if you didn’t know any better, you might think it was love.

In the last couple of months, I have been lucky enough to enjoy not one but two One Minute Romances. The first time I was on an airplane. My seatmate was an antique dealer from Chicago. Our conversations ranged from things to do in Washington DC to his honeymoon in the Pocono’s. I can still see his face, still remember the pleasure I felt talking to him. It was one of the nicest flights I’ve ever taken. And then, the plane landed, we said good-bye, and that was that. I don’t even know his first name.

The other time was on a train, and I took an empty seat next to a man reading a paper. Again, conversation broke out, and again we shared the most delicious moments as the countryside rolled by, and our minds, for a moment, touched. If I didn’t know better, again id say what I felt was love. Again, we parted anonymously, and I’m left with a perfect cameo, a delightful interlude to keeping my heart alongside other lovely mementos of past time and places.

There was a time when I would have complicated such meetings with a running commentary in my head. The part of me that’s always brining up the past and worrying about the future would have begun to scream, “Watch out Meg! What if...? Remember when...?” That part of me would have done its damnedest to keep me from enjoying the only thing we ever have to enjoy, a pure and present drop of time.

It’s the same part of me that looks at two smiling faces in the newspaper next to an article about their forty years of marital bliss and feels gloomy and fragile and hopeless. It’s the part that can’t ever seem to understand that an ocean is made of countless drops; that a lifetime piles up one little moment at a time.

So, adventurers, I silence that hopeless voice that has no present by staying in the present myself. If for a moment my path crosses the way of a fellow traveler, and for a brief space our souls touch, how is that less than golden?

being a grown up

 

today i decided being a grown up sucks!  making the right decision is so hard to do -  but that is what being a grown up is all about - making the 'right' decisions no matter how wrong they feel.

a dogs life

how do i sign up for this life?  i took this photo tonight at 10 p.m. (way past my bedtime by the way) because i thought, "wow, this kid has the life".  and you know what?  she really does.

i have decided that when i die, i want to come back as missy with me as her mom.  of course that will be challenging but you get the idea.

this kid has it made.  she has a wonderful dog walker, a bed in every room, oh, and my bed too.  her own blankets.  two dog bowls with food and water, a car seat - okay as i type this i am wondering if maybe i'm a little over the top - hmmmmm, no, i am not. 

human children have way more than missy has or even DC for that matter.  poor little dc, he had so few toys and missy, oh heck, she has a toybox full.

life is good little miss - enjoy, i know i do.

Friends, lovers, and friends again?

Lisa was 17, Steve was 18 – they were and are the best of friends – even after 20 some odd years. When I said I was writing this book she said, oh, I have a story for you.

You see, they always had an innocent love; a love that you have when you cherish the friendship more than the possibility of a relationship. She said they met through friends and immediately hit it off – they connected on a spiritual level, though neither of them knew that at the time. They walked each other through one relationship after another, each one coming to the other when that added level of comfort was needed. They walked each other through marriage(s) and divorce(s) – kids, deaths, and so on. Their friendship is one that has stood the test of time. But not without the obvious hiccup – they both wondered – should I be with you? Am I looking past the obvious? Am I searching for something that is in front of me?

Of course they already knew that answer because they had traveled down that road many years before. Lisa said, “It was one of those things that just had to be done” – had to be done? One of those things? She said, they paid a price higher than either one had expected...they paid the price of their friendship.

Lisa and Steve ventured down that path in their 20’s – neither was in a committed relationship and the apple was too tempting – they took the bite. She said the moment was unforgettable but the consequence too great – she lost her best friend. They realized they couldn’t navigate back to what they had because now they truly knew each other in ways, well, you know. Lisa said Steve became distant (okay I only have her side of the story, so don’t get on my case!), that he was dismissive and turned his back on her.

As she recalls this story tears fell down her face. She said she wished for another chance at that moment – a chance to perhaps make a different choice. But when probed further, she admitted she would not have changed a thing.

Lisa recalls Steve “avoiding” her (her perception) and she was crushed. How could they mend this fence? She said, it was not easy – the road back was rocky, the bumps and bruises lingered longer than most of their break-ups. Lisa went on to say that while they never bring it up, it’s there, it’s just out there.

Which of course reminds me of the famous scene from When Harry Met Sally -

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Back to Steve and Lisa – yes, they recovered, yes they are best friends again so all is right in the world – or is it?

I still see some wonder in her eyes as she told this story – but it’s the coulda-woulda-shoulda.

So dear universe, can men and women be just friends?