ignorance & tears

I met with my friend Steve last night for dinner. He and I have been friends for 25 years, we worked together, I saw him through his divorce, his new marriage, and kids. He has a lovely wife who I adore. He is smart, funny, sarcastic - I adore him. His one flaw (in my eyes) is his undying BLIND faith - literally his faith. I've always known we differed on so many political issues and that is actually kind of fun and he has always listened to me and I him. But last night my heart broke in two.

He was commenting on how far "left" I am and I thought, "no I am not" and then I said, "no I am not". And before he could stampede on my beliefs I told him that the abortion issue does not get to be included in his definition of far left. That he needed to come up with something other than that because I'll NEVER waiver on that - EVER. So he went for the jugular - morals. Now, he never called me immoral but he said, in a round about way, that I don't have a moral foundation because I don't believe EXACTLY as he. He further said that one has to take the Bible in it's entirety or not at all - no picking and choosing - in other words, talking snakes and arks, the whole shabang!

He then continued on all these different points, gays being a hot topic - how they are sinning and need to "cure" themselves - that they choose to be gay. He continued with no other religion exists and is acceptable except Christianity and anyone who does not believe this is damned to hell for eternity.

My heart broke.

This is my friend. How can he be SO ignorant? I mean, he is SO smart. And then I thought, "this cannot be the God that is keeping our Hanna in his arms" and I broke down in tears. Silent, painful tears. One tear streamed down my face and christened the table - my heart actually hurt. I was slapped in the face with pure ignorance. I am still in disbelief.

I am now at a loss - what do I do with this?  How do I proceed? My new issue.

lists - good or bad?

i was talking to my friend from high school, who I connected with via facebook (of course) and we were talking about dating in our 40's.  he's single (divorced) with two kids.  he is a hands-on dad and adores the ground his kids walk on - a good thing.  but he is facing the dating dilemmas and all the drama that goes with it.  i asked him "what are you looking for in a woman?" and slowly throughout the day he text me his list.  mind you some are serious, most made me laugh - here ya go!

• non smoker - cool!
• a bit crazy - meaning fun and silly
• good teeth - he said good teeth are an indication of other things
• no "wacky" religion - 'nuff said
• any political affiliation - he's a conservative
• must speak english - can also speak other languages
• no public display of cheap sweat pants - i laughed and laughed
• she needs to be close to his age - what?  no 20 somethings?
• she needs to like all kinds of music
• can't complain about the weather - pick a season
• does not need to know how to cook - that's a good one
• must like breakfast
• no bleach blondes
• not a "current" drug addict - rehab is okay
• she must close the door when going to the bathroom except to brush her hair or teeth - lol
• must have one fetish - hmmmm, revealing
• must like spicy food
• can't wear too much makeup
• cannot be a porn star - either domestic or international (what is THAT all about?)
• no gang tattoos but other types are okay
• no more than one harry potter book in personal library
• must like brownies (with nuts)
• must have a favorite beer

all of this got me thinking. if women have a list, why can't men?  i guess we always figure they have to meet up to our expectations but it seems they have their own as well.

so, what is on your list?

Update on Monday, September 7, 2009 at 4:21PM by Lori Luna

my friend said he wanted to see my list, i simply said, "i don't have one".  he said, "everyone has one", i said, "nope".  he followed up <nag nag nag> "why not" and i said, without thinking, "men hurt".

that was a mouthful!

friends

oh i am working too much these days - i have an event in 11 days - doh!  and when it's 'event time' i let my friends know that it will be challenging for me to stay in touch.  but what i am finding, this time, is that i am not willing to let that be the case.  i'm not willing to say you, my friend, are second to my work. 

so, thanks to the magic of facebook, i am able to stay in touch and still work.  it's a fabulous thing.  we engage in stimulating conversation, silly chats, and schedule our next meet and greet (uh oh, the event business has just penetrated my real life).  meet and greet?  no dear, it's called a drink.

so, to my dear friends, thank you for your patience and we will connect soon.

lime & coconut

1998. new friend. old friend. forever friend.

a movie came out that year, practical magic, and it had the famous song "coconut" by harry nilsson; it was a silly movie with a great soundtrack.  coconut and i were in a few classes and desperate to finish college, something both of us had put off for too long.  we were living in the south bay (los angeles south bay) she in redondo beach, me in hermosa.  we were fast friends.  we both liked wine, martini's... any excuse to avoid school work - though both committed to graduating (which we did). 

one day, at a bar in redondo beach, we were having lunch (and dirty martini's) and coconut told me of a vacation she was going on, a private yacht to the bahama's for 7 glorious days - why don't i come along?  yes, just like that, why don't you come along?  like it was a shopping trip to nordies.  oh sure i thought. i'll just pick up and go on a vacation to the bahama's - i mean doesn't everyone do this on a moments notice? 

the practical (no not practical magic) part of me said, "don't be ridiculous" but the adventurous part said, "hell ya!".  So the following day i went to work and said, "i'm going to the bahama's i'll be back in a week".  i think my boss said yes because he was so surprised i would make such a statement.

needless to say the vacation was an adventure.  an adventure that would last a lifetime.  coconut and i (limey) would become the best of friends.  we would share a lifetime in a mere few years and then we would lose touch...until 2008. 

in 2008 the planet's would re-align and the magnetic powers would reconnect us.  who knew it would be at a time we both needed that friend?

today, she remains my coconut and i her limey.  we laugh when we think of that silly song because it can bring us back to simple times.  times where everything wasn't so critical and a dirty martini would be the solution to what ails us.

and so my coconut, tonight i write this because i miss you daily and am so grateful that we do go together - the lime and the coconut.

Limey

old friends

so thanks to the magic of facebook i have managed to reconnect with so many old and dear friends.  the other night i had dinner with a friend from high school.  we were never 'close' when we were in school but time changes everything and here we are having a great dinner and a few cocktails.  when we left he called me to say he was upset with me because we didn't take a picture (this was one of his vacation stops) together to add to his collection, so above is what he created to substitute for a real photo.

i laughed until i cried!

p.s. that is me drinking champagne