friends, part 2

I miss you, I think about you, and i will talk with you soon.

lastly, i am grateful for you...xoxo

ignorance & tears

I met with my friend Steve last night for dinner. He and I have been friends for 25 years, we worked together, I saw him through his divorce, his new marriage, and kids. He has a lovely wife who I adore. He is smart, funny, sarcastic - I adore him. His one flaw (in my eyes) is his undying BLIND faith - literally his faith. I've always known we differed on so many political issues and that is actually kind of fun and he has always listened to me and I him. But last night my heart broke in two.

He was commenting on how far "left" I am and I thought, "no I am not" and then I said, "no I am not". And before he could stampede on my beliefs I told him that the abortion issue does not get to be included in his definition of far left. That he needed to come up with something other than that because I'll NEVER waiver on that - EVER. So he went for the jugular - morals. Now, he never called me immoral but he said, in a round about way, that I don't have a moral foundation because I don't believe EXACTLY as he. He further said that one has to take the Bible in it's entirety or not at all - no picking and choosing - in other words, talking snakes and arks, the whole shabang!

He then continued on all these different points, gays being a hot topic - how they are sinning and need to "cure" themselves - that they choose to be gay. He continued with no other religion exists and is acceptable except Christianity and anyone who does not believe this is damned to hell for eternity.

My heart broke.

This is my friend. How can he be SO ignorant? I mean, he is SO smart. And then I thought, "this cannot be the God that is keeping our Hanna in his arms" and I broke down in tears. Silent, painful tears. One tear streamed down my face and christened the table - my heart actually hurt. I was slapped in the face with pure ignorance. I am still in disbelief.

I am now at a loss - what do I do with this?  How do I proceed? My new issue.

friends

oh i am working too much these days - i have an event in 11 days - doh!  and when it's 'event time' i let my friends know that it will be challenging for me to stay in touch.  but what i am finding, this time, is that i am not willing to let that be the case.  i'm not willing to say you, my friend, are second to my work. 

so, thanks to the magic of facebook, i am able to stay in touch and still work.  it's a fabulous thing.  we engage in stimulating conversation, silly chats, and schedule our next meet and greet (uh oh, the event business has just penetrated my real life).  meet and greet?  no dear, it's called a drink.

so, to my dear friends, thank you for your patience and we will connect soon.

Friends, lovers, and friends again?

Lisa was 17, Steve was 18 – they were and are the best of friends – even after 20 some odd years. When I said I was writing this book she said, oh, I have a story for you.

You see, they always had an innocent love; a love that you have when you cherish the friendship more than the possibility of a relationship. She said they met through friends and immediately hit it off – they connected on a spiritual level, though neither of them knew that at the time. They walked each other through one relationship after another, each one coming to the other when that added level of comfort was needed. They walked each other through marriage(s) and divorce(s) – kids, deaths, and so on. Their friendship is one that has stood the test of time. But not without the obvious hiccup – they both wondered – should I be with you? Am I looking past the obvious? Am I searching for something that is in front of me?

Of course they already knew that answer because they had traveled down that road many years before. Lisa said, “It was one of those things that just had to be done” – had to be done? One of those things? She said, they paid a price higher than either one had expected...they paid the price of their friendship.

Lisa and Steve ventured down that path in their 20’s – neither was in a committed relationship and the apple was too tempting – they took the bite. She said the moment was unforgettable but the consequence too great – she lost her best friend. They realized they couldn’t navigate back to what they had because now they truly knew each other in ways, well, you know. Lisa said Steve became distant (okay I only have her side of the story, so don’t get on my case!), that he was dismissive and turned his back on her.

As she recalls this story tears fell down her face. She said she wished for another chance at that moment – a chance to perhaps make a different choice. But when probed further, she admitted she would not have changed a thing.

Lisa recalls Steve “avoiding” her (her perception) and she was crushed. How could they mend this fence? She said, it was not easy – the road back was rocky, the bumps and bruises lingered longer than most of their break-ups. Lisa went on to say that while they never bring it up, it’s there, it’s just out there.

Which of course reminds me of the famous scene from When Harry Met Sally -

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Back to Steve and Lisa – yes, they recovered, yes they are best friends again so all is right in the world – or is it?

I still see some wonder in her eyes as she told this story – but it’s the coulda-woulda-shoulda.

So dear universe, can men and women be just friends?