father's day - 2010

Today is father's day and I am missing my dad.  He is in southern California and I am northern California.  I've been here for almost 7 years now and that means I have missed 6 father's day's.  Six.  I used to take my dad out to do whatever he wanted.  We would go to dinner the night before or brunch on the Sunday - - regardless, I was there.

I am starting to miss being there.  Not sure I miss it enough to move - - but I am sad today. 

Sorry I'm not there Dad, but I love you bunches.

really?

I cannot believe this has happened...AGAIN!  I thought I was past the Wednesday and a half experience.  I thought at 42 the games were over.  "He" said there were no games...he said he was "in" only to literally have him stop calling...no excuse, no story, no explanation - just gone.

We had talked, daily.  He was my smile.  He was my joy.  He said he cared.  He said more.  Ah, so much more.  And then, he fell short.  He had his own demons, his own issues, his own pain and in the end it was all about him - I was not important, I was a blip on the radar. 

My radar was different.  He didn't just come into my life he stormed.  He said - - oh, does it matter what he said?  No not really.  They were words - just words. 

Goodbye my friend - I miss you.  I shall always miss you.