Ugh, teenagers!

 

So, she's nearly 16 and last Friday night she decided to take a walk on the wild side.  She was out with friends and temptation took hold.  She is fine, no one was hurt, but now comes the path to recovery. 

Recovering from a bad decision.  I speak of my darling God-daughter who I would do anything for and her brief encounter with bad choices and consequences.

She is a fabulous kid.  Get's good grades (usually), stays out of trouble (most of the time), doesn't smart back (who am I kidding?) and drop dead gorgeous (true true true).

And now we, as a Villiage, take the steps to help her recover from bad decisions that we all made.  Teach her that choices are important at this age - that we were that age once too and guess what, we all survived.  She is open and receptive to feedback as long as it doesn't come from her parents so I step up and try to talk to her without sounding like a parent and I try to listen, without freaking out.  In my eyes this beautiful girl is flawless until she makes a mistake and then my heart hurts.

She is a teenager in angst - she is struggling with things we all struggled with and now, she has to work through it.  My only goal now is to "be there" for her and help her through the next steps.  She is strong, she can do it!

2011?

2011?  Wow.  I am now sounding very old because I am sitting here thinking - "when did this happen?"

If I take a minute and look back I will find a very good year.  I have an amazing job, work with fabulous people, have made new friends, reconnected with old friends and frankly, I have the best family out there.

I am still working on Hanna's Dream (albeit slowly) and it still gives me the same level of joy - - I often think of how lucky I am to be "allowed" to be part of something so special.  I talked at length with Hanna's mom today (not too unusual) and I think, "I still don't know how she does it - - everyday".  How does she find the strength?  And yet, today she said, "it's been a good year".  She is a strong amazing woman and like so many of my friends, I draw strength from her.

The end of this year will bring a much needed vacation in Sedona, AZ - a lovely spa resort and four blissful days of nothingness - - it really is a good life.

I wish you nothing but a safe and happy 2011 - - take it all in, life is short.

forgiveness

It's been said that forgiveness is more for those who are forgiving than those who need to be forgiven.  Hmmm...I wonder if that is so? 

I have been "wronged" more times than I care to remember but as I get older I am less bitter and more forgiving.  Does this mean that I forget?  Not even close.  It merely means that rather than holding on to the pain, I let it go.  I see the person for their faults and humanity and see them for the flawed human being that I am...again, hmmm...if only those I have wronged would see it the same way.

Dear Universe, what say you?

father's day - 2010

Today is father's day and I am missing my dad.  He is in southern California and I am northern California.  I've been here for almost 7 years now and that means I have missed 6 father's day's.  Six.  I used to take my dad out to do whatever he wanted.  We would go to dinner the night before or brunch on the Sunday - - regardless, I was there.

I am starting to miss being there.  Not sure I miss it enough to move - - but I am sad today. 

Sorry I'm not there Dad, but I love you bunches.

really?

I cannot believe this has happened...AGAIN!  I thought I was past the Wednesday and a half experience.  I thought at 42 the games were over.  "He" said there were no games...he said he was "in" only to literally have him stop calling...no excuse, no story, no explanation - just gone.

We had talked, daily.  He was my smile.  He was my joy.  He said he cared.  He said more.  Ah, so much more.  And then, he fell short.  He had his own demons, his own issues, his own pain and in the end it was all about him - I was not important, I was a blip on the radar. 

My radar was different.  He didn't just come into my life he stormed.  He said - - oh, does it matter what he said?  No not really.  They were words - just words. 

Goodbye my friend - I miss you.  I shall always miss you.