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Sunday
Oct252009

wasn't me...

there is a song out there by Shaggy, It wasn't me, and believe it or not there is a guy out there using those lyrics (insert heavy sigh).

Not sure he's still using those words but about 20 years ago he was.  Ahhhh, John - silly silly John.

My best friend and I were living together, she is a gorgeous, smart, funny, intelligent woman who also happens to be in law enforcement.  Tough cookie right?  Yep - except with men way back when.  She met this guy, we'll call him John, and he was smart and charming and well, he did a number on her.  He woo'd his way in and woe'd his way out.  He was a piece of work.  To say I did not like John would be an understatement.  I was just hateful enough to hang up on him when he would call and fell short of hitting him when I saw him...he was simply an a**hole.

He was seeing other women while seeing my best friend and naturally he was lying about it.  He was violent and abusive but did the "I'm sorry baby" routine when he was done.  Let me clarify that the violence and abuse fell "short" of physical; he was verbally abusive and physically intimidating.  Not my favorite person to say the least.

I must have told my friend a million times to dump him.  He's not good enough for you I would say - but we were young and naive and thought men would change for us.  You see we thought we were that special.  Come to find out, no one is special enough to change an abuser.

After months, maybe years, of their dating off and on, my BFF found out that John might be cheating on her.  Might was her word, my word was of course he is.  So at some ridiculous hour in the night (really the morning) we did the drive by.  We drove by the house of the girl we suspected he was cheating with.  And what did we find?  John's car - yep, the same make, model, color, blah blah blah.  Now one can argue that it wasn't him except his work uniform was hanging from the back seat - you know the one with his name on the chest?  (insert the roll of the eyes).  Naturally my BFF was devastated - how could he she said, as tears fell down her face.

The next decision was, do we walk up to the apartment and confront him?  My blood was boiling to the point where I could have easily confronted him on her behalf but she was not ready for that - so instead we drove away, knowing the truth.

My BFF decided she would confront him the next day with her facts and she did (I was so proud).  She sat him down, face to face and said, I know what you are up to.  Being the con-man that John was (maybe still is) he did what any good con man would do - he lied and denied.  Lie/deny, lie/deny.  He actually looked her in the eye and said, "baby, it wasn't me". 

Excuse me?

Wasn't you?

Are you kidding me?  Of course it was you - your work uniform was in the back - I saw it. 

Baby, I don't know what to tell you, it wasn't me.

And then, holy sh*t - she believed him.  She said to me, "it wasn't him - we were wrong". 

Excuse me?

No!  I saw it, it was him, he's lying

Nope she continued, I was wrong, it wasn't him.

I think she was trying to get through this horrible humiliation rather than really believing him - and she demonstrated this by breaking up with him very soon after this incident.  Ahhh, there was vindication.

Years later she would see him again and again, he would hold to his story - "baby, it wasn't me".

Do they really think we believe this crap?

Yep, Run Don't Walk.

Monday
Oct052009

uh buh bye

i took this the last time i was in cabo...what shall i bring back this time?

Tuesday
Sep292009

the fiance

I sometimes wonder when I say i was engaged at one time why people seem so shocked.  "you" were engaged?  maybe it's my anti-marriage/anti-kids campaign?  maybe i'm not the marrying kind?  i dunno, but what i do know is that once in my life i had an engagement ring on my finger and a  fiancé...i kept the ring, not the fiancé.  Well I actually only kept it for a little while and then i turned it in and bought a really pretty emerald bracelet - the ring was also an emerald (i'm not a diamond girl). 

i wish i could say i dumped him but, um, ya, well, that would be lying so the truth is, he woke up 4 months before the "big event" to say he just couldn't do this.  this? this?  what was this?  and then he said, i can't get married.  ahhhhhh, that this.

we were living together at the time and while i knew life was not a bed of roses i certainly wasn't expecting the blow.  and more than not expecting to be dumped 4 months before the wedding (yes, almost everything was bought and paid for) i wasn't expecting to find out he had been involved with someone else.  mmmmm, the joy of that, who p.s. he later married.  but! only to cheat on her too and marry someone else, yep i can pick 'em!

but when i look back i think, i had fun.  he was too young for me that is for darn sure (4 years my junior) and the romance was a whirlwind for sure.  i am sure my parents thought i was nuts but he was likeable and given some of my past relationships they were probably just happy that i was happy.  of course they never predicted the sh*t storm that would come with the breakup. 

you see, our families were intertwined already.  my mom and his became fast friends.  our friends melted together.  we did couples things with other couples.  we had game night and movie night.  wow, as i type this i can see why he panicked...we were old already.  but it was fun!  i enjoyed these friends and our family and i enjoyed the simplicity of our life. i liked a bit of routine, i really did.  i guess the homebody in me came alive.  we had fun, or maybe i was the only one having fun?

but really i wasn't having fun.  i remember nights crying on the phone with my best friend but thinking it was wedding planning blues.  i really should have listened to her when about 3 weeks before he dropped the bomb on me, she did!  "you don't have to marry him" she said, "it's not too late to cancel".  i remember thinking to myself, what is she talking about?  i should have run at that moment.  i should have listened to someone who could see me and how i had some how lost myself in this relationship, it was a classic 'run don't walk' moment - but i missed it.

many years later, he and i still do not talk- nothing to say i guess.  but i do thank him on a regular basis.  i thank him for saving me years of misery and what would have likely been a painful divorce. 

Wednesday
Sep232009

friends, part 2

I miss you, I think about you, and i will talk with you soon.

lastly, i am grateful for you...xoxo

 

Sunday
Sep202009

ego ego ego

i've been sick for about a week now and so i've had very little time to write, see friends, hear stories, or just about anything.  it's nice to be feeling a bit better but i'm not out of the woods just yet.  i digress...

in spite of being sick i did decide to go on a walk with my friend Jenn last week.  since being sick i've had to cease my training because, well, i can't breathe!

jenn is one of my best friends.  she is amazing.  she is smart, fun, sweet, and beautiful.  however, she has one flaw...her ex.

like many of our ex's he is still 'around'.  he's one of those we can't shake 'em ex's - even if it is to our detriment.  so she still talks to him, sees him, blah blah blah.  i sit back, listen and seriously do not judge - been there done that, i am in no place to judge anyone, as evidenced by my lack of decision making ability.

back to the walk, jenn and our chat.  so Jenn's ex is still hanging around and he's well, what would i say about him?  first i would say i don't know him.  i would say i have met him once, he was leaving as i was arriving.  i would then say he isn't very nice to her IMO (in my opinion) and i would have to say he has the ego the size of texas.  so was it any surprise the other night while having a conversation with Jenn he said, "it must be nice to talk to me". 

yep, you read it, "it must be nice to talk to me".  you see, he feels he brings some light to her life.  he is the epiphany she has been waiting for.  had she not had HIM to talk to well, she may not have worked through her stuff.  you see apparently this educated woman would be nothing had she not had him to talk to. 

bottle it.  put a cap on it.  save it.  that might be the BEST thing I have ever heard from anyone.  any woman or man.  that level of ego is just delicious.  how do you make that shit up?  you don't. 

ah, thank you jenn's ex - i am getting hours of entertainment off of this nugget.