ignorance & tears

I met with my friend Steve last night for dinner. He and I have been friends for 25 years, we worked together, I saw him through his divorce, his new marriage, and kids. He has a lovely wife who I adore. He is smart, funny, sarcastic - I adore him. His one flaw (in my eyes) is his undying BLIND faith - literally his faith. I've always known we differed on so many political issues and that is actually kind of fun and he has always listened to me and I him. But last night my heart broke in two.

He was commenting on how far "left" I am and I thought, "no I am not" and then I said, "no I am not". And before he could stampede on my beliefs I told him that the abortion issue does not get to be included in his definition of far left. That he needed to come up with something other than that because I'll NEVER waiver on that - EVER. So he went for the jugular - morals. Now, he never called me immoral but he said, in a round about way, that I don't have a moral foundation because I don't believe EXACTLY as he. He further said that one has to take the Bible in it's entirety or not at all - no picking and choosing - in other words, talking snakes and arks, the whole shabang!

He then continued on all these different points, gays being a hot topic - how they are sinning and need to "cure" themselves - that they choose to be gay. He continued with no other religion exists and is acceptable except Christianity and anyone who does not believe this is damned to hell for eternity.

My heart broke.

This is my friend. How can he be SO ignorant? I mean, he is SO smart. And then I thought, "this cannot be the God that is keeping our Hanna in his arms" and I broke down in tears. Silent, painful tears. One tear streamed down my face and christened the table - my heart actually hurt. I was slapped in the face with pure ignorance. I am still in disbelief.

I am now at a loss - what do I do with this?  How do I proceed? My new issue.

lists - good or bad?

i was talking to my friend from high school, who I connected with via facebook (of course) and we were talking about dating in our 40's.  he's single (divorced) with two kids.  he is a hands-on dad and adores the ground his kids walk on - a good thing.  but he is facing the dating dilemmas and all the drama that goes with it.  i asked him "what are you looking for in a woman?" and slowly throughout the day he text me his list.  mind you some are serious, most made me laugh - here ya go!

• non smoker - cool!
• a bit crazy - meaning fun and silly
• good teeth - he said good teeth are an indication of other things
• no "wacky" religion - 'nuff said
• any political affiliation - he's a conservative
• must speak english - can also speak other languages
• no public display of cheap sweat pants - i laughed and laughed
• she needs to be close to his age - what?  no 20 somethings?
• she needs to like all kinds of music
• can't complain about the weather - pick a season
• does not need to know how to cook - that's a good one
• must like breakfast
• no bleach blondes
• not a "current" drug addict - rehab is okay
• she must close the door when going to the bathroom except to brush her hair or teeth - lol
• must have one fetish - hmmmm, revealing
• must like spicy food
• can't wear too much makeup
• cannot be a porn star - either domestic or international (what is THAT all about?)
• no gang tattoos but other types are okay
• no more than one harry potter book in personal library
• must like brownies (with nuts)
• must have a favorite beer

all of this got me thinking. if women have a list, why can't men?  i guess we always figure they have to meet up to our expectations but it seems they have their own as well.

so, what is on your list?

Update on Monday, September 7, 2009 at 4:21PM by Lori Luna

my friend said he wanted to see my list, i simply said, "i don't have one".  he said, "everyone has one", i said, "nope".  he followed up <nag nag nag> "why not" and i said, without thinking, "men hurt".

that was a mouthful!

farewell friend...

John Hughes died yesterday - it was a sad day for those of us who grew up in the 80's as he "represented" us.  he made us feel a little less awkward, a little less out of place and a little more like we were okay.

I read a blog post and well, she says it all.

farewell to a friend...

until we meet again

i received a text today from my friend - his grandma died.  he was sad, he is sad.  he said he had been preparing for this for a while now and his preparation did not actually prepare him at all.  he said he couldn't truly understand why this was so hard and then he realized - he just lost his friend.  his confidant, his ally in this fight we call life.

i remember her.  she was kind.  funny.  sweet.  she was a grandma.  it reminded me of losing my grandparents - all of them.  some died when i was very young, my great-grandmother died when i was 6 and some stayed with me until i was 37 and that was it.  my grandparents were all gone.

my memories of all of them are "mostly" good.  some are just memories that they were here - nothing out of the ordinary or unique.  i miss some more than others, but in all, i just miss them.

i try to grasp why they all died so young and i think it's because they were always old.  it was different then.  40 was old.  my one grandmother had dentures when i was 8.  people didn't take care of themselves very well.  i digress.

this is a message to my friend - let your memories keep those lost near and dear to your heart - they are with us as long as we keep them in our hearts.

i'm tired and ...

photo courtesy of ashley nunn

i saw this photo and it just fit - perfect.  I am days away from my event in chicago and i am so tired.  i am excited though because it's nearly 8 p.m. and i am "sooooo" close to being 100% ready.  a few loose ends and i am gold!